I can't believe that in two weeks I am leaving for a year and a half. I am going on a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and I will be teaching in Chicago. I am real excited and I just can't believe it's already almost here. I will be gone until just before Christmas in 2010. I just can't believe it.

i just want to be outside all the time. my mom and i went for a hike and it was sprinkling, on and off, and it was so nice. it smelled nice and there weren't as many people because of the weather. i went disc glofing with my bff at dusk one day and it was so nice. the sun was going down and the course was greener than usual and seeds were floating through the air. i just love the outside.

Wet Blossoms

It is the height of spring. Warm one day, showers the next, and all the while the trees are heavy with tissue blossoms, so many and cut by hand. It is dark outside and raining, and I walk in the rain and touch the wet-by-rain blossoms. And this, this is what I want to be. This feeling, the soft and light of the wet blossoms that send droplets running all the way down my arm, from hand to armpit, and then down my side. It is the feeling of the water that my hair collects and sends off the end of my nose and the feeling of the rain that gathers on my chest and then runs between and down.

Desert Camping: San Rafael

On Friday I went on a camping trip in the San Rafael Swell, about two hours south of here (Provo, UT). My wilderness writing class went together, but it ended up being only eight people, including our Professor. The funny thing is, I missed everyone else individually, but didn't mind so much that our group was so small. The best part was this: we got there and we searched for firewood and we built a fire. Then, we just hung around the fire, eating and roasting mallows and just hanging out and talking. This is what I so excited for all week, the fire, and it didn't disappoint. I love a good campfire. And then I love to lay my head down and look at the stars. I am all ready to go again.

fall 2008

She said, I could marry a sailor; I think that I'd make a good wife...

High Uintas

Lia Farnsworth

From Lia's essay Art is Not About Art. Art is About Life:

"I’ve connected myself to you with a thousand shimmering spider strings, I said, and I want to twirl into them in a sticky climax of movement and tangle myself inseparably and breathe in the exhilarating dew of resulting perspiration, mine, and yours. I want to hold skin against skin and fit myself into the curve of your spine."

I just can't stop thinking about this part because it so well captures how I feel sometimes. Spider webs because some of the connections are just so small and thin, but strong. It isn't about each little web, but how big it is if you do twirl them together. We have spider strings.

Reconciling: the snow, the spring

Even though I knew not to get excited for the recent warm weather, as everyone knew it would not last, I could not help it. I get excited and hopeful, all the time. So, when it was warm, and I wore a skirt and no tights to class, and I went on a walk through Provo one day, I started dreaming about the spring. It was all parks and walks and bike rides and being outside and wearing less layers. But it started getting cold again and it snowed today. I couldn't help but feel a tiny sad, and then, surprisingly, glad that the snow wasn't totally over. I'm glad the winter isn't gone, because I do like skiing and I do think the snow is so very pretty. So that is what needs reconciling. Perhaps, though it does not. It's okay to like two opposite things, I think.

Today my personal essay will be workshopped in my wilderness writing class. This means that by now, everyone has read my personal essay, something that doesn't really make me feel happy. I don't think I really like everyone to know everything I'm thinking. I'm not embarrassed or anything about my experiences or my feelings, it's just that I don't like telling everyone everything because I like to keep some things to myself. Perhaps that's why no one really knows about this blog. I don't know if that is good or bad.

nice and pretty

my favorite costa rica picture. enlarge it. the best thing is: there are as many dark blue birds as white, which i did not see until they started flying. knowing that and looking at the picture, i found some of them on the branches.

New Year's Resolutions

A little predictable, a little late.

1. Gossiping... Stop doing it.
2. Purchase only things that are my favorite. If they are not my favorite, I will not use them.
3. Consume vitamins each day.
4. Write on this little blog more, because I do enjoy it when I do. This is not out of obligation, but maybe making it an obligation will encourage me.
5. Stick with daily yoga and/or pilates.
6. Improve my personal (spiritual) development habits.

Resolutions are all achievable, but will take some sort of effort. Also important, they are resolutions that will improve my person in the long run, habits to make me a better person, not just a better person in 2009.