I can't believe that in two weeks I am leaving for a year and a half. I am going on a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and I will be teaching in Chicago. I am real excited and I just can't believe it's already almost here. I will be gone until just before Christmas in 2010. I just can't believe it.

i just want to be outside all the time. my mom and i went for a hike and it was sprinkling, on and off, and it was so nice. it smelled nice and there weren't as many people because of the weather. i went disc glofing with my bff at dusk one day and it was so nice. the sun was going down and the course was greener than usual and seeds were floating through the air. i just love the outside.

Wet Blossoms

It is the height of spring. Warm one day, showers the next, and all the while the trees are heavy with tissue blossoms, so many and cut by hand. It is dark outside and raining, and I walk in the rain and touch the wet-by-rain blossoms. And this, this is what I want to be. This feeling, the soft and light of the wet blossoms that send droplets running all the way down my arm, from hand to armpit, and then down my side. It is the feeling of the water that my hair collects and sends off the end of my nose and the feeling of the rain that gathers on my chest and then runs between and down.

Desert Camping: San Rafael

On Friday I went on a camping trip in the San Rafael Swell, about two hours south of here (Provo, UT). My wilderness writing class went together, but it ended up being only eight people, including our Professor. The funny thing is, I missed everyone else individually, but didn't mind so much that our group was so small. The best part was this: we got there and we searched for firewood and we built a fire. Then, we just hung around the fire, eating and roasting mallows and just hanging out and talking. This is what I so excited for all week, the fire, and it didn't disappoint. I love a good campfire. And then I love to lay my head down and look at the stars. I am all ready to go again.

fall 2008

She said, I could marry a sailor; I think that I'd make a good wife...

High Uintas

Lia Farnsworth

From Lia's essay Art is Not About Art. Art is About Life:

"I’ve connected myself to you with a thousand shimmering spider strings, I said, and I want to twirl into them in a sticky climax of movement and tangle myself inseparably and breathe in the exhilarating dew of resulting perspiration, mine, and yours. I want to hold skin against skin and fit myself into the curve of your spine."

I just can't stop thinking about this part because it so well captures how I feel sometimes. Spider webs because some of the connections are just so small and thin, but strong. It isn't about each little web, but how big it is if you do twirl them together. We have spider strings.

Reconciling: the snow, the spring

Even though I knew not to get excited for the recent warm weather, as everyone knew it would not last, I could not help it. I get excited and hopeful, all the time. So, when it was warm, and I wore a skirt and no tights to class, and I went on a walk through Provo one day, I started dreaming about the spring. It was all parks and walks and bike rides and being outside and wearing less layers. But it started getting cold again and it snowed today. I couldn't help but feel a tiny sad, and then, surprisingly, glad that the snow wasn't totally over. I'm glad the winter isn't gone, because I do like skiing and I do think the snow is so very pretty. So that is what needs reconciling. Perhaps, though it does not. It's okay to like two opposite things, I think.

Today my personal essay will be workshopped in my wilderness writing class. This means that by now, everyone has read my personal essay, something that doesn't really make me feel happy. I don't think I really like everyone to know everything I'm thinking. I'm not embarrassed or anything about my experiences or my feelings, it's just that I don't like telling everyone everything because I like to keep some things to myself. Perhaps that's why no one really knows about this blog. I don't know if that is good or bad.

nice and pretty

my favorite costa rica picture. enlarge it. the best thing is: there are as many dark blue birds as white, which i did not see until they started flying. knowing that and looking at the picture, i found some of them on the branches.

New Year's Resolutions

A little predictable, a little late.

1. Gossiping... Stop doing it.
2. Purchase only things that are my favorite. If they are not my favorite, I will not use them.
3. Consume vitamins each day.
4. Write on this little blog more, because I do enjoy it when I do. This is not out of obligation, but maybe making it an obligation will encourage me.
5. Stick with daily yoga and/or pilates.
6. Improve my personal (spiritual) development habits.

Resolutions are all achievable, but will take some sort of effort. Also important, they are resolutions that will improve my person in the long run, habits to make me a better person, not just a better person in 2009.

something my dad used to sing

There was a girl

There was a boy

If they had met they might have found a world of joy
But she lived on the morning side of the mountain
And he lived on the twilight side of the hill
They never met, they never kissed
And they will never know what happiness they missed
For she lived on the morning side of the mountain
And he lived on the twilight side of the hill
For love's a rose that never grows
Without the kiss of the morning dew
And every Jack must have a Jill
To know the thrill of a dream that comes true
And you and I are just like they
For all we know our love is just a kiss away
But you are on the morning side of the mountain
And I am on the twilight side of the hill
For love's a rose that never grows
Without the kiss of the morning dew
And every Jack must have a Jill
To know the thrill of a dream that comes true
And you and I are just like they
For all we know our love is just a kiss away
But you are on the morning side of the mountain
And I am on the twilight side of the hill

TRI

This weekend I participated in a sprint triathlon. It was wonderful. I signed up for it sort of randomly, a few days before the event, and invited a friend to do it with me. It was a great way to start my Saturday, and I don't even know where I placed or anything. It felt good to do something, my exercise that day was toward a goal. I do wish the swim was longer, because it's one of my better events and I don't even have time to get an advantage on it. The point is, I'm so glad I did it.

always hoping

i am a hoper
i am always hoping for things
full of hope
getting my hopes up
not just big things to turn out a certain way
little things too
it's just that i realized this recently
it came to my attention when i was hoping for something
then telling myself not to be silly
then being unable to not get my hopes up
and then it didn't happen
and it wasn't a big deal
it wasn't anything that was a major disappointment
just funny
and i realized i do this all the time
and sometimes it is big
mostly they're not

i am always hoping

pretty things

I've always wanted to create pretty things. I used to love to draw and do art when I was younger-- actually, I still do. I got into sewing and quilting for the same reason, to make nice things. Even cooking and baking, which I love, stem from my desire to make nice things, food that is pretty to our mouths. I like writing because sometimes we write things that are beautiful.

Lately, some pretty things I can't stop thinking about creating and designing and making are
pretty dresses
pretty cupcakes
pretty collages
pretty jewelry
pretty hair
pretty weddings
pretty presents
pretty shirts
pretty pasta
pretty photos
pretty pictures
all just pretty.

Sugar and spice and everything nice- that is what I want to make things of (definitely some spice needs to be there).

yes, a case of the mondays

Oh man, yesterday I had a wild case of THE MONDAYS. It was just that the day seemed to go by so slowly. Every bit of it dragged on, even my lunch break outside (how can a break from work, outside, eating, drag on?). When I picked up the boysies from Stanford, the only response to "How was work?" I could bust out was "Bluhhhhhhg," a sort of growl/groan.

A case of the Mondays — refers to expressions of frustration at one's job (especially on Mondays);

SO, I'm thinking the reason for that was because it was my first work day back from Trinity, and I do miss playing at the lake, despite the super smoky sky there. But I am doing much better today, I suppose I just wanted to share my story of THE CASE OF THE MONDAYS.